disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

2010;57(1): 121-127. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. The world is their oyster. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. "If it's mostly. Accepting polygamy does not make. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. Archives of Women's Mental Health. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. 2006; 45(3): 311330. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. No British Muslim man has the 'right' to a second (or even third) wife So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. Khattak AK. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. Not many people like a second wife. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. She told she was also present during the delivery. Current Psychology. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. What are the advantages of being a 'second' wife in Islam? As - Quora Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. disadvantages of being a second wife islam He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? 2007; 21(1), 108-127. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Why Do Women Refuse Polygamy? - Polygamy.com Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. 'I don't care about anything. Countries Where Polygamy Is Legal 2023 - worldpopulationreview.com Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Published: I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. There is polygamy in Russia, and here is how it works She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." We have an ordinary life. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. A man 'cannot do that to a woman': Why polygamy in Canadian - CBC Grab Now! My husband has two wives . I'm seven months pregnant. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. Being Muslim doesn't change the biology of pain, of envy, and of sadnessthese are human emotions that are consequences of the act. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. Polygamists Are Using An App to Find Their 'Second Wife' youre over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. What It's Like to Be the Second Wife I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. She has been married for 40 years. King MT. Can expand your gene pool. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. Invest in the future today. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. | It is an option. It could have been the man's problem too. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. Polygamy.com. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. Ethnology. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband.

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